Light shining through trees in a forest.

Sitting here and thinking of you

Wishing there was more I can do

I pour myself another glass

Trying to forget the memories past

I’m on the edge looking down

Tired of running ‘round and ‘round

One small step is all I need

To end the pain and be set free

Feeling like there’s no other choice

Feeling like no one hears my voice

I close my eyes and feel the trigger

This hole I have can’t get any bigger

As the cold metal touches my head

There passes over me a sense of dread

With a deep breath I hesitate

Knowing everything is at stake.

Sitting here and thinking of you

Death my friend, I can’t come through

Not at this time

The decision is mine

I will be with you someday

But not this day

I have my life to live

It’s not yours to give

Not by my hand

I make this stand

I will be with you someday

But it’s not this day.

Author’s Note:

I’ve made a few changes since originally writing this piece (roughly 3 months ago).  I wrote this one while drinking too.  I originally didn’t want this to end on a high note, and there may or may not be a version where it ends differently.  Maybe it’s out of character for me, maybe not.

This one is about making a stand.  Sometimes it feels like there’s nowhere left to go.  No one left to turn to.  Nothing left to give.  Is that really the end of the line?  No.  It feels like that, but it isn’t that.  We have the freedom to think for ourselves, to make choices, to live.  We can get back up after being knocked down.  Don’t throw that away, because there are some who would give anything to be in our place no matter how bad it may seem.  As bad as things get, and though it may continue to worsen, it will get better.  But only if an effort is made.  Only if you take a stand, in getting back up.  Remember, you are never alone.


Author: mynameisdespair


10 thoughts on “Suicide”

  1. hey mate,
    so just want to say really like the feel of this poem. Very inspirational love it alot… I would like to read the original though cuz I kind of feel like even that this poem has a really good message, the emotion has somewhat been erased or twisted a little. To me, and this is just my opinion, when writing a poem the emotion deep within comes through and that, even if its dark and depressing is a much more valuable read to me. Now i am no professional and in no way fit to give someone advise who has probably been doing this alot longer than i have…I guess what i am trying to say is, that emotion put on paper.. to me is the most pure form of self-expression and if someone cant understand why you would write about “that”(the topic) then it wasn’t written for him/her. I always keep a copy of my poem originals and even if you don’t want to post it on this site… keep the original poem for yourself.

    wow reading this i sound like one of those fake online gurus heheh
    Really nice poem though and i understand you cant always keep it dark and depressing on this page so, i understand sort of…
    Have a nice day mate!
    and sorry for writing such a long comment.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you! I had actually changed a few of the words, and a couple of the lines. The original did have that hesitation and the not this day part. The part where it says, “There passes over me a sense of dread” originally read “I think of those who don’t want me dead.” Perhaps that was a critical line I shouldn’t have cut, as to me it feels too vulnerable.

      I completely agree with you, and I’m really glad you liked it.

      Liked by 2 people

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