Futility

Why do flowers bloom when they’re destined to die?

Suppose it’s just for a moment of sunshine and rain,

To wither and die only for the cycle to start again.

Like the songs that birds sing which fall on deaf ears;

Carried in the wind of long-forgotten memories,

Through trees without leaves on mountaintops to barren fields below.

 

Why do they sing,

When their songs will die?

 

Why does the sun still cast its light on blue skies?

For it too will go dark as the universe grows old,

To drift in eternal decay along the path where death strolls.

Like flowing rivers to dust turned in old years;

Where dreams lay in sad silence by headstones with no name,

In desolate graveyards and moldy tombs they found far below.

 

Why do they dream,

When their dreams will die?

 

Why do they continue to live with this lie?

A foolish belief of purpose and that of self-worth,

That somehow they matter in life as if not dust on this earth.

Like shifting shadows that lurk in deepest fears;

The cold presence of death unseen stands eagerly by,

To claim the lost we are for his domain of the void below.

 

Why do they live,

When they are destined to die?

 


Author’s Note:

Why do we live when we are destined to die?

That’s the question of the ages.  Are we an evolutionary blip in the cosmic time scale?  Perhaps part of a much larger community in the universe of which we’ve yet to find once we’re deemed ready by their council.  Or maybe we were made to serve a higher power, and our time here is but a test of our character and faith.  All things die, and in an ever-expanding universe (in theory), eventually the stars will go dark.  Our memories lost forever in the void, and the monuments we’ve built reduced to drifting particles along a wave of energy that once fueled life on our planet.  Does what we do matter, or is it all done in vain?

What’s the point when our memories will fade, and our names are forgotten as the headstones decay?  To pass beyond the great veil at the end of life as our bodies return to dust.  Life is a gift, and though we will reach the inevitable end one day, the path ahead still lies before us.  Even if there is just a moment of happiness or joy, it’s still a moment more than none.  A moment to be enjoyed in the short time we have.  A moment, or day, to be seized.  But not in pride of one’s self-worth, for all the riches in the world have no more value than the dirt beneath our feet.

Is it worth finding purpose and a meaningful life in the face of an otherwise futile existence?  Perhaps in time, I too may find meaning before it’s too late, and walk among those who are no longer lost.  Without meaning or purpose, we are but dust blowing in the wind, lost in futility.

N

Sick

A sickness within

Mortal confines;

A body abused

Too many times;

An illness that spreads

From one’s own mind,

Nausea induced

To death inclined;

Vomit the soul,

And 

Let the mind die.

 


Author’s Note:

A hangover is no fun.  On top of this, I’m sick of everything.  An extreme feeling of nausea came over me that made me want to vomit not only my stomach’s contents, but all of my insides out as well.  At that moment, I lost my appetite for everything, including life.  It happens.  We all feel sick for one reason or another, and we all get sick of something.  I’m currently facing a steep decline in work, and that will result in a pretty lousy income for this next month.  I’m sick of this job, and barely getting by.  I’m sick of doubting myself and letting life pass me by.  Overcoming these things aren’t easy, especially with past wounds.  I’ve recently opened up and shared a glimpse into my past that still haunts me today, leaving a tender spot vulnerable in the hopes that I can begin to heal.  Perhaps in time I will, and I can finally start making progress in life.  This dark hole of sickness won’t disappear on its own, but it’s my hole and mine alone.

Is there anything that’s making you feel sick?

N

That Old Light

From a time that predates time,

Before stars were yet to be;

When loneliness sailed on

Across the great eternal sea,

There was a light that always was,

Always is, and yet to be;

Everlasting flame of old,

Burning brightly for all to see,

But evil hearts of evil men,

Drove out the light wickedly;

And when darkness covers all,

That old light still falls on me.

 


Author’s Note:

It took a few extra days to get the words right (as well as the patterns – oh, there’s something about them…), as I had originally intended on posting this piece last week.  For example, in the last line, instead of using the word “shines”, I opted for “falls”.  A bit of insight as to why: To me, a light shining on someone would imply that person is worthy of the light, and the light is deliberately shining on the person wherever they may be, whereas a light falling on someone would be falling through whatever might be obstructing that light, to whomever happens to be there, whether or not that person is deserving of it.  Luck?  Coincidence?  Fate?  That’s for you to interpret.

N

Exhausted

Running around in circles

I detest this endless routine

Tired of waking each morning

To dreams that remain unseen

 

Chasing after fantasies

I grow sick of living this life

Nothing to show for my effort

How can I say that I tried?

 

Nothing is left for me here

But the path to nowhere I’m on

Exhausted beyond my limits

The end has finally dawned

 

Sleep overcomes my body

I can no longer stay awake

Been fighting myself for too long

While slowly fading away

 

Release my mind from this place

I travel to another world

Let me close my eyes forever

Please don’t wake me when I go

 


Author’s Note:

Some days I just feel completely exhausted.  Both physically and mentally.  There are days when I’ll let myself sleep in for a little, only to have  restless sleep plagued with dreams of good and bad.  On those days, I don’t want to get up.  I don’t want to “live life” by going to work and doing the same thing again and again.  Is there more that is meant for me?  Can I break free from this cycle I’m in?  I’m exhausted… but I keep going, even when I don’t want to wake.

In the piece above, the theme of “going to sleep” could be both literal and figurative for a more permanent sleep.  Sometimes, we just want to get away and go to another place.

Do you find yourself weighed down by exhaustion?

N

Existence

Despair sits upon my head like that of a crown on a king, casting a veil before my eyes that filter out the colors of life.

Desolation hangs around my neck, with one firm hand that reaches into my chest, holding my still beating heart in its cold grip.

A billowing cape of loneliness envelopes me like a smothering blanket that gives no comfort, but only suffocation.

From a dark abyss extend the chains of doubt that are shackled around my feet, anchoring me in place with the inability to move.

Seated on a throne of failure atop the highest peak of the highest mountain, surrounded by barren lands, my kingdom of emptiness.

Frostbitten winds whip at my naked body as the bitter cold bites into the marrow of my bones and the depths of my soul.

The pain has faded long ago, leaving a dull ache of numbness that flows through my veins, as I pray for death to come.

“Come O Death, and spare me from the curse of my existence.  Take my lands, and fill them with the dead. Let the rivers run red with blood once again.  Release me from this meaningless life!”

Death appears beside me as a shapeless shadow, placing one hand on my shoulder as it leans down to whisper in my ear.

“No.”

 


Author’s Note:

I really don’t know what to say tonight.  Maybe this piece is thought-provoking, maybe it’s cheesy.  Obviously, the kingdom isn’t an actual physical land, but rather symbolic.  The message is pretty straightforward, in a way.  We’ve all been there, hitting one low after another until it feels like rock bottom.  Only then to find out, there’s more falling to be done.  Some of us want to be released from this life, which can seem like a curse at times.  It’s the easy way out, sometimes seeming the only way out.

Is it possible to cast off the crown of despair?  Remove the pendant of desolation?  Tear away the cape of loneliness?  Break free from the chains of doubt?  Rise from a throne of failure?  The answer is something we all find in our time.  Or maybe, we’re just meant to live a tormented life of a miserable existence.  You decide.

N

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