Exhausted

Running around in circles

I detest this endless routine

Tired of waking each morning

To dreams that remain unseen

 

Chasing after fantasies

I grow sick of living this life

Nothing to show for my effort

How can I say that I tried?

 

Nothing is left for me here

But the path to nowhere I’m on

Exhausted beyond my limits

The end has finally dawned

 

Sleep overcomes my body

I can no longer stay awake

Been fighting myself for too long

While slowly fading away

 

Release my mind from this place

I travel to another world

Let me close my eyes forever

Please don’t wake me when I go

 

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Author’s Note:

Some days I just feel completely exhausted.  Both physically and mentally.  There are days when I’ll let myself sleep in for a little, only to have  restless sleep plagued with dreams of good and bad.  On those days, I don’t want to get up.  I don’t want to “live life” by going to work and doing the same thing again and again.  Is there more that is meant for me?  Can I break free from this cycle I’m in?  I’m exhausted… but I keep going, even when I don’t want to wake.

In the piece above, the theme of “going to sleep” could be both literal and figurative for a more permanent sleep.  Sometimes, we just want to get away and go to another place.

Do you find yourself weighed down by exhaustion?

N

Doubt

Black

Are the stars

That never shone

In the night

That never broke

To bring the day

That never came

And the light

That never lit the way

Through the dark

Where there was no escape

From myself

Whom I never believed

In the dreams

That were never dreamt

And the words

That were never written

For the songs

That were never sung

From the heart

Which there was no beat

To the music

That was never heard

And the joy

That was never shared

For the smiles

That were never seen

By the eyes

That never opened

Out of fear

In which there was no fight

Of battles

That were never won

On fields

That were never roamed

By feet

That have never ran

Like wings

That have never soared

In skies

Which were limitless

Like the goals

That were never reached

By the kings

That were never crowned

On the worlds

That were never formed

Under stars

That were never born

Out of doubt

In myself

 

And a life

That was never lived

 

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Author’s Note:

Doubt is something I struggle with, especially self-doubt.  Tasks or small challenges can become much more troublesome because of it.  Whether it’s doubting my abilities, myself at work, the words and stories that I haven’t written or finished, myself as a father, or even myself in general; doubt has affected me in a number of subtle and not so subtle ways.  It’s just another struggle that I fight daily.  I’m working on it though, working to overcome and plant myself on solid ground of certainty.  To have the confidence in myself and believe that I can do it.  I’m reaching for my dreams, but unless I can conquer the doubt in myself, I’ll never be able to extend my arm to its furthest reach and grab them.  Until that time, my dreams will only continue rain down as smoldering ashes around me.

Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.  –  Suzy Kassem

I see the proof of that quote every day.

As imperfect humans, doubt is something we all face.  Do you struggle with doubt as well?

N

Waiting

Waiting for the day that won’t come

Waiting for the light of a dead sun

Waiting for the warmth of your cold embrace

Hold me tight so I can’t see your face

And

Don’t let go

 

Waiting for a moment that doesn’t exist

Waiting for the sands of time to desist

From falling ever on into eternity

Lost in the peaceful bliss of misery

Please

Don’t let go

 

Waiting for the sweet sound of your silent voice

To tell me that I have no other choice

I’m no master of this fantasy

And I have no place in reality

I’ve lost all control

Don’t let me go

 

Waiting for you to tell me it’s alright

To let me know I can sleep tonight

Waiting for you to tear me apart

Devour my hope and silence my heart

And still I wait

I won’t let go

 

---

Author’s Note:

There’s not much to say today.

Ghosts

In the dead of night you always come to me.  You take many forms but it’s you I see.  Behind their faces, and behind their eyes, trying to hide your presence in your guise.  Yet it’s you I smell and it’s you I breathe.  Though you feel so familiar, I don’t know who you are.  In my dreams I sense you there, so close, yet so far.  We travel across the universe, to the realm beyond shadow.  The time soon comes for you to leave, to a place I cannot go.  I stand alone and think of you, underneath the falling star.

With each day, it comes to an end, as I watch you die again. Opening wounds I cannot mend, the slope of madness I still descend.

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Author’s Note:

I don’t know who you are, but I feel you there.

N